The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
