It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
