He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
