My cat gives me a boner
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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