his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
