It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
