Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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