Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
