mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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