He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
