You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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