My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
