Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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