My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
