Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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