I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
