Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
