Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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