Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
