So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
