:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
