Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
