They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
