Me too!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
