Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
