4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
