Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bring money and cleavage
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
