Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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