If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
