It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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