my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
