I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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