dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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