11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
