And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
