I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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