dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
