glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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