Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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