i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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