I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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