I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
