Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
