She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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