I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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