You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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