Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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