all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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