You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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