you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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