it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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