if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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