Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
