Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
