it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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