it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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