how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
