Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
